As many of the people around me are celebrating marriage, mortgages and motherhood, I am packing my bags to head off on yet another solo holiday. It got me thinking about the different reactions I get from people when I tell them I’m going away on my own. Many of which are shock or sympathy. “Wow, you’re brave” and “aww” have been the most common responses I get.
But do not feel sorry for me. Time to myself is something I have learned to value greatly and is something you should, too. Growing up an only child, I guess I have always been very comfortable in my own company. I am a very sociable person, with a great bunch of friends who I love, but dating was never top of my priorities.
When did it become so hard for us to enjoy our own company? As someone who has always been the “single” friend, I found it hard to comprehend how or why people would jump from relationship to relationship without ever having a break between them. How could someone have that many feelings for that many people!? Am I just a cold-hearted bitch? Am I unworthy of love?
These have been genuine concerns of mine over the years, and with such a shitty dating track record, I was beginning to think it might never happen for me (and I still do think that sometimes, mostly because I am picky AF). Even friends have told me I am looking for “a needle in a haystack” and I should consider lowering my expectations or standards if I truly want a relationship. But something just tells me there’s absolutely no logic in that.
You’re not alone, you’re independent
So many people stay in stale relationships because it’s comfortable, and sometimes this can lead to spending years putting effort into something that just isn’t adding value to your life. I think we can all relate to this to some degree. Whether it’s a relationship that’s fizzled out or that desk job you hate or that hobby you’re bored of. It’s by no means a waste of time,we take wisdom away from these experiences, but one thing I have learnt over the years is to trust your gut, and more importantly, follow it.
Often, we’re compelled to follow our hearts rather than our guts, but the minute we stop fearing being “alone”, suddenly we hold all the power to be happy and content with who we are. People will come and go from our lives, and while not all of them will provide pleasurable experiences, these chapters are great at helping us figure want we don’t want. Thank you, next.
Getting to know yourself and figuring out what you want in life is low key fucking hard, so don’t feel like you need to have your shit together by a certain age. I can honestly say as I approach the ripe old age of 28, I am still not entirely there yet (and I’ve had a hell of a lot of time to myself), but that’s okay. It’s easy for us to get caught up with other priorities and shift our focus onto someone else – we get pleasure from pleasing others, but don’t forget to take care of you.
Practise self-care
Of course, we all just want to be happy; to feel loved and wanted. But until you find that one person you can be unapologetically yourself around, why waste your time? You should be practising self-love every damn day, as I can assure you it's worth more than anyone else can offer you. So why is it we're constantly so hard on ourselves?
That’s not to say you should live your life like a hermit. This isn’t about being alone, this is about being independent. Know your worth and value your time. It’s okay to go on a date with someone and not want to see them again, it’s okay to fall out of love with someone 30 years into marriage, and it’s okay to keep searching for that needle in a haystack, because it’s what you deserve!
This is to remind anyone who needs to hear it right now, that you do not need anyone else to define your happiness. The only approval you will ever need is your own. Whatever age you are, whatever stage in your life you may be, there is nothing more precious than having the time to get to know yourself.
So the next time you feel like you’re “alone”, don’t fear it, cherish it. Be selfish, go new places, try new things, and find out who you really are, because we are SO lucky to have that freedom. Go travelling and see the world, live alone and sleep like a fucking starfish, work on bettering yourself for you.