I am off to Bali in just under two weeks and because I am, to put it bluntly, pale AF, I decided to give fake tanning a go, so I don’t stick out like a sore (pasty) thumb when hanging out on Gili T. To give you a little bit of context, I have extremely sensitive skin and I’ll whack on the factor 50 even on a warm day in England because I would rather be translucent than burn my skin.
I have dabbled in the old gradual tanners in the past and found Palmers Coco Butter formula to be my fave, but I still felt like it wasn’t the real deal. And thus the day had come. It was time to try the real deal and lose my fake tan virginity.
After asking around and doing my own initial research, I decided to go with Bondi Sands. If my natural skin colour had its own shade it would probably be called Hypothermic Blue, so I’ll admit I played it safe and picked up a bottle of Bondi Sands in shade Light/Medium.
I also picked up the Bondi Sands tanning mitt. My first impressions of the mitt were that it’s super soft and luxurious, however, it developed a hole about 15 minutes into my first ever application, which left me thinking I could’ve saved myself a few quid and just bought a store branded mitt. But hey ho, it got me through the process nonetheless.
So, let me tell you the story of a pasty girl trying tan for the first time. DISCLAIMER: you will have to endure looking at my weird, finger-like toes. And if you think my experience didn’t sound too horrendous once you’ve finished this blog (if you even bother to finish this exhilarating story about my first world problems), then here’s what you’ll need:
1 bottle of Bondi Sands Tanning Foam in Light/Medium (£14.99)
1 Bondi Sands Tanning Application Mitt (£4.99)
1 kitchen spatula (no, I’m not kidding)
Step one: Exfoliate your body within an inch of its life
I’m pretty low maintenance and I’m still coming out of winter hibernation, so I started by de-haring my entire body until I was bald from the eyebrows down. This took a good twenty minutes. I already had some Palmer’s gradual tan on from last week, so I prepped my skin by showering in scalding hot water and scrubbing my skin until it was red raw.
Okay, I may be exaggerating slightly, but I do feel like this is the least enjoyable part of the process, and the thought of having to do this every time is already putting me off.
Once I’d done this, I soothed my pink skin by moisturising my body with just the regular Palmers Coco Butter (no added tan) and let it soak in for a few hours throughout the day.
Step two: Apply until your skin looks like a mahogany leather sofa
The Bondi Sands Mousse is light and airy and when applied to the mitt actually goes on pretty smoothly. I had found mixed opinions on whether to apply in strokes or circles, so I decided on strokes followed by circles over the top to quite literally cover all bases.
It was trickier than I imagined. I had to reach in places I’ve never reached before. Normally I wouldn’t bother putting the gradual tanner on my back because it didn’t make much difference and my back is the one area I tend to actually get a real tan. So this is where the kitchen spatula came in. I managed to cover pretty much every inch of me except for one tiny rectangular box in the middle of my back, which took a few attempts to cover, but by using the spatula as an extended arm, I got the job done.
The tan shows up dark as you apply it so you can see what areas you’ve covered, but I felt like it would soak in quite quickly which made me want to apply more. I did cover my legs and arms a few times just to be sure, but no way was I attempting to contort my body again to reach my back for a second coat.
I used a couple of pumps of mousse on the mitt at a time, and used the residue for my knees, elbows, feet and hands. I haven’t applied the tan to my face because I do have such sensitive skin. My plan is to just apply make up of the same colour, or potentially use my Palmers gradual tanner on my face if the contrast is REALLY noticeable.
And now we wait…
The instructions say you can wash the tan off after one hour, but something told me I just wouldn’t notice a difference if I did this, so I decided to leave the tan on for around 6 hours, so I sat awkwardly on a towel writing this blog, occasionally checking myself in the mirror to see if I’d morphed into an Oompa Loompa yet.
I actually decided just to go to sleep in it (I know, I like to live dangerously). This would either mean I wake up and it’s completely sweated off all over my bed sheets, or I wake up looking like David Dickenson, surely these are the only two possible outcomes, right?
Step three: Shower in warm water and hope you haven’t just washed away the best part of 7 hours of your life.
So I woke up early and surprisingly, I wasn’t totally horrified looking at myself in the mirror. I got in the shower and I’ll admit I would’ve been stroppy if it had all just washed off me and I returned to my natural Hypothermic Blue state. But you know what, overall, I’m pretty Impressed. It seems my bed sheets were the only thing still white in this scenario, which is the ideal outcome really.
Apart from a few darker patches on my knees and ankles, and a little line of white near my big toe that needed a little more coverage, I would say this pasty girl experiment has been a success. Seasoned tanners would probably be disappointed with the results of the lighter shade, as I am already feeling like I could’ve gone darker, but I have a nice healthy glow which doesn’t look orange and I’m proud to say it’s streak free!
I think I should’ve applied a second coat to my upper body, but now I’ve done the test run, I’ll be more confident slathering it on next time. Bondi Sands Tanning Mousse in Light/Medium is perfect for pasty AF girls who are looking for a low maintenance glow. But be warned, this is most definitely a gateway tanner, and by the time we reach summer, you may actually see me looking like David Dickenson.
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