Lena Dunham is an absolute hero of mine and her TV show Girls is so beautifully yet brutally honest it makes for fantastically awkward but strangely reassuring viewing. For anyone who hasn’t seen this show, it follows the lives of four twenty-something girls trying to find their way in the world of New York City- a “grittier Sex and the City” as it’s so often been called.
There are no designer outfits and happy ever-afters, rather, shitty jobs and awkward booty-calls. None of the characters in this show have particularly desirable attributes, as most of them are spoilt, drug, alcohol and sex dependent bums who don’t have a clue what they are doing in life, yet they are all somewhat endearing.
This show really reminded me that it’s okay to not know what the fuck you’re doing in life, because nobody actually knows what the fuck they are doing. We are all in this shit show together.
So, here are five times Girls really hit the nail on the head for me...
A FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN COLLEGE GIRLS IS GRANDER AND MORE DRAMATIC THAN ANY ROMANCE.
The friends I made at university were some of the best friends I ever made, and the friendships during that time were so intense that the bond we had will forever be remembered fondly on my part. But these types of friendships can be a whirlwind of emotional drama and I think everybody has experienced at least once in their life the tragic heartbreak of losing a best friend.
It’s true that the breakup of this kind of relationship is far more devastating than that of a romantic one; at least this is true for me. The sad thing is that more often than not it is romantic relationships that get in the way of friendships. What Girls has taught me is that the feelings we have for some people are only temporary, but the love we have for our friends is much more durable, if it is a true friendship it can survive some of the toughest elements: long distance, hormones, jealousy and growing up.
I am still friends with the girls I met at uni, and although we went through some pretty rough times, and we now all live in different cities and have totally different lives, we still find time to talk every now and again and I know that they are there for me if I need them.
I DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND, I JUST WANT SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO HANG OUT ALL THE TIME, THINKS I’M THE BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD, AND WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ONLY ME.
This quote basically sums up the dating criteria of any girl in her mid-twenties in the twenty-first century, and it is such fucking bullshit. I spent the best part of three years in one of these “non relationships”, convincing myself I was happy when actually I was slowly being stripped of every ounce of self-confidence I had. We have become a world terrified of labels and confronting our own desires. We’ve all been here, I’m sure; when we know the relationship isn’t working for one person but the other goes on happily in silence hoping things might change. It was the biggest waste of my time and when I finally got out of it I was a shell of the person I used to be.
Girls taught me that you should confront your desires head on and just fucking deal with the outcome. Although many people try to come across all mysterious and brooding, at the end of the day if they really want something, they’ll go for it. If they want to speak to you, they will contact you, if they want to see you, they’ll make time, and if they like you, they’ll tell you.
But at the same time you shouldn't sit around waiting for this to happen. I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I’m not going to waste a second more of my time letting someone make me doubt my self-worth. I am bloody fabulous. Never let yourself be second best. Always chose to be the best fucking version of yourself and if it’s not good enough for someone then they are not good enough for you.
I AM UNFIT FOR ANY AND ALL PAYING JOBS.
So I’ve spent the best part of twenty-five years of my life in education and I still don’t have a fucking clue what I want to do with my life. I seem to just be accumulating qualifications which may or may not get me my “dream job”, if I even knew what that was. I pretty much resent any job I do around about the six month mark, and I know that work isn’t supposed to be all fun and games, but like, why the fuck not?
I cannot bear the thought of doing the same thing day in and day out for the rest of my life. Some people work so hard towards a specific career, and that’s great for them, but I’ve realised that just because I have a Masters Degree, that doesn’t mean I now have to commit my life to a job that may earn me a lot of money, but will no doubt make me want to kill myself once I get that celebratory extra day of holiday for my tenth year of service.
Instead I have realised that it really doesn’t matter what I do, as long as I am in a great location with great people. I could happily waitress for the rest of my life as long as I was doing it alongside the one thing I am truly passionate about- travel. There is a whole fucking world out there and I don’t intend to waste time sitting around at a lousy desk job trying to figure out my future when I could be out there living it.
I read somewhere that it's better to do what you love rather than learn to love what you do, so it's worth a shot. That's why I'm writing this blog. Some people believe my opinion on this will change as I get older, but for now, I am quite happy taking my next step in a series of random steps.
SOMETIMES IT’S REALLY LIBERATING TO SAY NO TO SHIT YOU HATE.
When I was in school I used to suffer from a major case of FOMO (fear of missing out), which normally meant I ended up at some dodgy party with no one I knew or paying to watch a shitty movie I didn’t even like. What was the point? As I have grown older I have realised that if you don’t like something, don’t fucking do it. Sounds pretty simple right?
But I can guarantee we’ve all been in a situation where the guy we are dating wants to take us to see that Lord of the Rings marathon, or all your friends are going to the Harry Potter Studios tour (sorry, I don’t like HP, don’t hate me), and we say “sure, I’d love to”, because we want to spend time with those particular people, but trust me, you’d save a lot of time and energy (not to mention money!) by just saying no. You don’t have to be everywhere all of the fucking time, your friends will still be there after, and if anything, it will make you less of a moody bitch if you just stop doing the things you hate.
This applies to all life situations: If you hate your job- quit. Don’t give me any of that “it’s too late”, “I’m too old now”, “I need the money”- bullshit. Do what makes you happy, or at least try to, and stop your whining. Girls taught me that the magic happens outside of your comfort zone, but those things have to be things that ultimately give you a thrill and enrich your life in some way, not leave you bored and regretting wasting a whole day of your life on something you are not passionate about.
ALL ADVENTUROUS WOMEN DO.
I’ve saved this one until last because this has been my ultimate motto for the past few years, as you can probably tell since it’s the title of my blog. I love this quote so much. This line is said by Jessa, the free spirit of the group who sees everything as an experience. She turns every negative into a positive, and although she may have a drug and alcohol dependency for the majority of the four seasons, she kind of has a point.
The message here is that everything that happens to us, good or bad, is an adventure and an experience that we can learn from and ultimately grow as a person. Stop worrying about the things you can’t change and instead just enjoy life. It sounds so simple and cliché but doing this absolutely changed my life.
Last year I was so stressed about getting a good grade in my MA and trying to decide what I was going to do when it was all over that I became a total mess. As soon as I told myself that none of it really mattered, I became an entirely different person. People put so much pressure on themselves to succeed and what that actually does is create a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. Your parents don’t want to see you succeed, they just want to see you happy, and so whatever choices you make in life make sure they are happiness-orientated rather than focused on material gain.
Recently I did some of the scariest things I’ve ever done: travelling solo and moving to a foreign city, and they were two of the best decisions I ever made.
So I invite you all to channel your inner Jessa because, well, all adventurous women do.
There are so many more things I could talk about in this show. If you’ve never watched Girls I highly recommend it. You’ll either love it or hate it but either way you will see how Dunham has created something very candid and raw to reflect the reality of how many of us are trying to live the dream, one mistake at a time.